Tamizh Boys

One of the reasons why being a Tamizh Penn sucks, is to do with the boys that we meet. They are usually – loud, crass and boring. Make that, very boring.

I am twenty-three. Rather old for these times that we live in. And yet, I have not met a single nice Tamizh boy.

So I went to a school that had only the Padipps (aspiring to study in obscure Engineering colleges) type boys. And the only occasion when one of them spoke to me was when they wanted to borrow my Physics notes. So, I started taking very neat and copious notes and interspersed them with some clever doodling. I would religiously copy out elaborate kollam patterns. I was sixteen then and wanted to seem non-threatening to the boys. Only an Asal Tamizh Penn would do that. As luck would have it, no boy really asked for my notes after that and the only thing which happened was amma had to give me ten rupees to buy a new notebook every other week. I have still kept the notebooks. Will give them to my daughter.

Passed out of school and in a cruel twist of fate ended up in all girls’ college, the one with kind, helpful sisters committed to turning us into fine ladies. The only Tamizh boys one met were during the IIT-M festivals. But there were too many complexities there. For one, there was the possibility of running into Gults, who were to be strictly avoided. And still worse, some North Indian chap. Nope those would not do. And besides, as a general rule, all things IIT ought to be avoided. Especially Tamizh men. Have you seen how socially challenged and at the same time moronic they are? My brother is one of those and therefore I must rest my case on that.

In my post-graduate course, there are very few Tamizh boys. Tamizh boys don’t want to become journalists. If they do, then they don’t come to my college.

There are a number of nice North Indian boys I have met though. I suspect that a couple of them are fond of me even. After all, I am sufficiently exotic, brown skinned, pretend to read important books and so fetchingly shy. Yes, there is this rather interesting guy in college who has a teeny-weeny crush on me even.

But even though Tamizh Payyans are boring and annoying, I can’t imagine spending anytime with a person who cannot understand the joys of drinking Kumbakonam Kaapi, trying to get tickets for Thalaiva’s padam before anyone else can and who cannot appreciate the fact that Kamal Hassan can beat Amitabh Whatizname any day when it comes to acting prowess. Designer stubble does not a great actor make.

And so, much as one hates them, Tamizh boys cannot be ignored. After all, I cannot mess with my Asal Tamil Penn identity can I?