Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Marketing of Bharadwaja Gothram

After reading this wonderful post by Neha, I am reminded about Amma’s eternal quest for a suitable bride for T Anna.

T Anna turns twenty-eight this year. He is, by most accounts, a good catch. - IIT + Ivy League. He can also play the flute. Though to be honest, the only song that I have ever heard him play is – Kurai Ondrum Illai. That too only the Pallavi and never the Charanam. And Shivaranjani as a raagam is good only in small doses. What girl will want to marry a boy who is so melancholic? Anyway, he is still a good catch. Being in the land of opportunity has made him learn cooking (or so he claims). Also he is very boringly good. And most significantly, he is 6’2” that means every girl is shorter than him and potentially marriageable.

However, things are not that perfect either.

Two years back when T Anna got a job, Visalam Atthai came up with a proposal. That of Athimber’s elder brother’s daughter - N.

Visalam Athai thought that N would be the perfect bride for T Anna. This essentially because N was 5’8” (how many Asal Tamizh Penn will have such Miss Universe proportions?) and also because she was in Austin, Texas too. Appa turned down the proposal for two reasons:
1) T Anna was twenty six then and it looked like he could do better than that. After all, N was only an engineer from Erode but T Anna from IIT KGP
2) More significantly, Appa has always been Anti Kaushika Gothram. He felt that the hedonism of Vishwamitra was not compatible with the austereness of Bharadwaja Gothram

Amma herself a Srivatsa Gothram had cautioned Appa on his foolishness. Yet, a letter was sent off to Visalam Athai saying, the horoscopes didn’t match and therefore cannot be proceeded with further.

N got married two months after that.

Since then, T Anna has seriously considered five girls.

Girl 1: L who was working in an IT firm in Hyderabad. She was 5’3”. Wheatish complexioned. Srivatsa Gothram. And accomplished enough. T Anna liked her. Because she was pretty without being fat. After meeting T Anna, she rejected him. Because T Anna refused to get rid of his glasses with a laser surgery at Shankar Netralaya.
Girl 2: N who was a journalist working with a newspaper in Delhi. She was 5’2” and Kashyapa Gothram. Amma and Appa were initially hesitant about a non Science stream girl and that too from Delhi. But after L, they were a little desperate. T Anna liked her as well, even though she was a little well endowed. But she was a closet smoker and had an Ex Boyfriend from IIT Delhi, which appealed to T Anna. N went to Texas to meet him and rejected him as well. Because she couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life with someone who had not smoked Marijuana.
Girl 3, Girl 4 and Girl 5: were all Kaushika Gothram. By now, amma and appa were very worried. T Anna, rejected all three of them. When he rejected Girls 3 and 4, the parents thought that it was only fair. After all, two girls had dumped him.

Rejecting Girl 5 was a mistake. She was nice. She was pretty. Except that, she was far prettier in her photograph. Somehow, this was considered tantamount to cheating. I felt sorry for Girl 5. Just because she photographed well, she will never get married. I thanked god that I look the same no matter what/how/where?
The last six months have been a lull period. No jadagams come. T Anna’s vision is worsening. And every time he sends his photographs, he looks more world weary. We even put up an ad in – The Hindu and while we got close to 300 responses, most didn’t work out.

Initially, we were choosy. We removed all of the following:
1. Palghat Brahmins
2. Tanjore Brahmins
3. Ahilyam Nakshatram
4. Kausika Gothram

But when we wrote to the others, they all responded in the negative. Then we compromised and included Palghat and Tanjore Brahmins. Still the same. Then Ahilyam also, still the same. Finally, the Kausika Gothram also. Still the same.

Amma says, the problem is – Bharadwaja Gothram.

Appa says, the problem is – Texas. It seems like a place that only losers will live in. Girls only want to go to California.

Mani Periappa says, the problem is - the Soda Bottle Kannadi.

T Anna says, the problem is – the boom in the Indian job market and India’s shiningness. India is the new Glam place.
I am very worried. Especially for me.

Is there any way to change my Gothram without marrying?

26 comments:

Deliberately said...

Fucking South Indian Bitch.

~A said...

No girl!! you are outta luck!

neha vish said...

LOL! I guess there are just too many "filters" in the process. I think the World Tamizh Brahmin Council should just encourage the young ones to elope. With suitable boys/ girls of suitable gothrams/ nakshatrams. In fact even the horoscopes of the eloping two should match.

Mark IV said...

hmmm... there must be... well, that would require some very embaressing processes though- and let me cut out all those that would pull in ur amma n/or appa...
well, wat happens if u get married, so ur gothram changes n then divorce???
or if u pass a stint of marriage- go on till ur dad does the kannika daanam... and then quit before the thaali-ing... that way ur technically gothramless....

or produce fake ceritficates that u were adopted... and ur biological parent is St.Peter... again no gothram...

or... wow: step 1- convert to some other religion of ur choice. now ur obviously gothramless...
step 2- convert back to hinduism- theres a couple of places that let u do that...

VIOLA!! ur gothramless!!!!!!!!

Primalsoup said...

Priceless!

And fret not, B Gothram is as good or bad as any other. Also the Gothram bit can be taken care of by getting someone else do the kanyadanam.

neha vish said...

I think I will start my own gothram to increase the confusion. Such fun it shall be!

anantha said...

Gothrams are so over-rated.

Anu said...

Excellent! Asal Tamil Penn, I'm a fan now.

S m i t h a said...

without marrying or not married?
u can get married to an unsuspecting boringly good boy from austin, TX and when u r happy with ur new gothram u can divorce him...or better, kill the lucky bastard(take note: alimony does not pay well in TX)
there is also an simpler way..u can get adapted by parents from a gothram of ur choice.
and if u want to take the educated approach..im pretty sure there is a loop hole in the hindu vedas. get a good lawyer or start reading urself.
btw - im a not-too-boring tamizh payyan in california.. if that appeals to ur libido..err, i mean intellectual capacity.

Lalita said...

What a brilliant piece! Much thanks for brightening my day.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

(Neha, start a new gothram no?)

I belong to the B gothram myself, and for the longest time I wanted to be a part of my mother's gothram which was Aathreya gothram. It just seemed cooler. Hmm.

Rama said...

Awesome post. Cam through Maanga and its been an enjoyable 30 mt ride so far...

- A Srivatsa Gothram TB boy who just got out of the marriage market *phew*

Oracle said...

If you cant change the fortune, change the jathagam, thats what one of my friends did!

Nice blog you have here! :)

rebel said...

Well, initially for A akka (:)), it was only iyer vadama. No brahacharanam, no vathima and absolutely no iyengar! *Shiva Shiva*

Ippo, the talk -- 'Should we stick to just brahmins'

Hmmmm.. hail tamilmatrimony for the continuous supply of single tam brahms!

Asal Tamil Penn said...

Dei Deliberately,
Arukamataathan kayilai ambathi ettu aruvaalam aa?
Tevai aa idu?

@ S M I T H A
Enna pa sollarai?

Matra ellorkum,
Nandree.

I said...

And what is wrong with Thanjavur jilla brahmins?

Krish Ashok said...

Enjoyed every word of it. Beautiful. My mother was bracing herself to compose the customary "Vadula gothram blah" Hindu ad last year when I revealed the news about my Mallu Nair girlfriend and declared that she will be my life partner. To add fuel to the proverbial Agni at the wedding , I refused to let the priest change her gothram, keeping their matriarchial sensitivities in mind. Some call it petty vanity. Some call it modern. I just call it an experiment in bullying priests :) I even got him to gender neutralize all references to the superiority of the birth of male children in all the mantras. You will be surprised. Priests will do anything for money

Anonymous said...

I like the transparency with which you describe the interesting (if somewhat obnoxious) manner in which elite south indians go about choosing their mates.

Did it ever occur to you that this whole thing sounds very casteist? Surely, everyone has the right to choose a mate (or have one chosen for them) based on a set of criteria, but if "caste" and "gothram" etc. start coming into the picture - istnt that what caste-ism is all about?
Now, you may argue there is nothing "wrong" with that - and I have nothing to say to that.

Tells me something about IIT-ians and TAMBRAMS - notice that this is very different from liking TNagar over Mylapore - nothing obnoxious about that, that was enjoyable, but this ....

Muthukumar said...

good psot..love it!

Anonymous said...

hi
I just read the whole article with the comments.so, i am trying to contribute more to the same and hopefully u make some sense of the whole gothram thing. This is what i heard from my relatives and all, that each gothram is one gene pool and that they just take care that children don't marry into same genepool and later regret as genetic (recessive) anomalies appear in their children that is why they insist that u marry into some other gothram and since all the gothrams are based on rishis then we all know their stories then it comes down to preferences.

T said...

Idiot! :)

thoppai maama said...

Amma KaNNu! Thanjavoor KkaraaLukku enna korecchal ngraen!

Tirunelveli kkaaraaLai oppittu paarthaal thanjavorr osatthi theriyumo!

gus said...

That was an exact depiction of the filtering process !!Cool blog :)

pushkala said...

Loved reading it! could relate to most of it...! i mean the reverse..
Strict filtering based on Vadama, Thanjore/kumbakonom only rather no phalghat, stars etc..

-suchitra- said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alankrita said...

DOes marriage change your gothram? My mothe ris Bharadwaja gothra and that did not change after she married a Gautam gothra....

Awesome blog!